I'm Going To Be A Daddy

from by Dan Bull

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lyrics

When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb
I thought these things were supposed to tell the facts
Howcome we got this outcome?
They're meant to be 99.9% accurate, but now I doubt them
I thought maybe one day I may want a baby
but not here, not now, what, are you crazy?
It's too soon, I'm too stupid to build a human nest
I'm a man child hiding in the shadow of my student debts
We always used protection, at least to my recollection
Well, I guess this is another new regret for my collection
and I won't kill a fetus even if it's millimetres
If I'm big enough to spill a seed
then I'm big enough to let it breathe
a fellow creature, full of genes of each of us
We're big enough to bring it up and let it develop features
Left speechless
But my ears hurt even when I hear tiny noises
How am I going to deal with each night of crying high-pitched voices?
When they're in pain, there's no way to make them say it softly
I'm good with kids as long as someone can take them off me
And what'll remain of a relationship that's already strained?
The love that's left is drained and plumbed into a baby's veins
And what if this isn't the right relationship to stay with?
At this stage in the day it may just be too late to change it

I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified
I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide
I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride
I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified

My life is rather good, it's not time for fatherhood
Looking after cats is hard enough, I can't give up my livelihood
I can't be a role model, my own soul's swaddled
My train of thought's like a pram rolling on old cobbles
How can I change the habit of a lifetime, I'm a lazy chappy
Change that? I've never had to change a baby's nappy
Don't want to watch the Tweenies on the TV
I like cult classic black and white cinema, fuck CBeebies
I don't have a choice any more
I don't have a voice any more
Can't make noise any more
I can't have a bottle of brandy and a LAN party with the boys any more
The way I want to steer the ship and the way it heads's all different
The game of life's flipped from single player to a co-op escort mission
How can I provide enough safety and security
when it feels like it's the whole world versus her and me?
Poland versus Germany, east versus west
Earth's eating itself, while I've invited you to be its guest
What can I bring to the table? I'm not mentally stable
but they say parenting's innate and we're all meant to be able
But what if it's ill, what it's disabled, what if it's not mine?
What if it dies, what if it grows up to be a horrible little gobshite
What if it hates me? What if it's not just one kid
What if it listens to this song and feels unwanted

I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified
I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide
I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride
I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified

I hope I can be helpful during the birth
providing backup for the mother of the youngest of the children of earth
When it's eighteen, I'll be forty-eight
When it's forty-eight, I'll be seventy-eight
and when it's seventy-eight, I should be dead in the grave
or in my place waiting at the heavenly gate
Every day, a memory fades except for some strange cases
like when I'm travelling back to the past and wondering whether to change places
When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb
but now I've settled down I've got one message:
Welcome

I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy

credits

from Hip Hop Hooray, released January 13, 2017

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about

Dan Bull Bromsgrove, UK

Dan Bull is a man who says words in pleasing patterns. You can listen to them here, and on YouTube. This sentence is about guns, in order to make this biography more interesting.

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