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Hip Hop Hooray

by Dan Bull

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1.
Rugbuggery 02:08
They call me Douglby I tackle issues like ruggleby A blend of gentlemanliness and thuggery I'll glass you, with some very expensive bubbly Bloody luxury Bone cutlery protrudes from your wounds Buggery Ooh, a scrummage Lovely jubbly A useful excuse to induce you to cuddle me The two teams squeeze together quite snugly rummaging and fumbling with undiscovered subtlety Beneath the scrummaging we're being all couply I'm roughly as politically correct as little Huckleberry Finn using epithets no longer customary I'll get with your ex then apply for custody of your little buggers then we'll bugger of to Tuscany I'm in your cufflinks and tux living comfortably Bloody luxury Being you? Sucks to be Whether you rap whether you rock or whether you roll I insist that you relinquish all control We're playing rugby and the ball's your soul So pass it back to Douglby and we'll all go home Rap's raconteur, back on tour I'll blap a crap reviewer Sacre bleu, heh That's one fewer wrongdoer I'm long due an apology and I want you to give one to me If you ever listened to a rapper and it wasn't me I'll pull off my tracky bottoms and give you a tracheotomy I'll leave you looking like a child eating broccoli Ticking you off, saying "chew your food properly" I operate a strict sick lyrics only policy so originality's a pretty big priority I lyrically precede the Iliad and Odyssey They found my lyric pad within a Celtic monastery Follow Gilgamesh's genaeology through Ptolemy Anyone of quality, they probably just copied me So are my sonnets prophecy or an anomaly? A little bit of column A, a bit of column B Whether you rap whether you rock or whether you roll I insist that you relinquish all control We're playing rugby and the ball's your soul So pass it back to Douglby and we'll all go home
2.
I was a jolly good child but never had a Hollywood smile I probably should be bothered but I'm not 'cause my gob is just part of my ebullient style Charmingly funny and vile like Stan, Cartman, Kenny and Kyle Met a woman, it was good for a while then I grinned and had her running a mile Ugh... look at all that spit I've got a mouth like a Sarlacc Pit I look a bit like I was kicked to the kerb and my teeth took it worse than the Tarmac I bit I'm a little bit Ricky Gervais if he was hit with a brick in the face Dirty cunt Perverted version of Kirsten Dunst but worse in person 'cause of a certain oniony pungence Line up girls, who's first in front? Got a tongue like a Persian rug Fuck mouthwash, pass the detergent *glug* This is urgent look, get a surgeon booked who can work with the curtains shut Too squeamish to floss, bleeding is gross so please just leave me to rot 'cause believe it or not I really am reasonably pleased with the teeth that I've got Don't give a fuck whether you're a fan of mine Stop... Arm & Hammer time You're jelly of my British teeth I'm a vicious beast If you do not like my music then it's obvious that you are just too jelly of my British teeth I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast with British teeth Got them whitened, I might get them straightened but I kind of like to frighten the states with them And would Amy Winehouse have sounded the same without the wide mouth? And the same applies to Shane MacGowan John Lydon, Clint Howard Think "Lemmy meets Steve Buscemi" I can already see your semi see you're jelly of my British teeth aplenty see your envy I'm the MVP of dentistry on the NHS My teeth are sexy I bring the Aquafreshest raps grinning like a Cheshire Cat Fuck your feckless standards of beauty you can shut your precious mouth My dentist was the gentlest she never did a thing that was senseless She sensibly selected medical consensus over aesthetic pretenses Regarding hygiene my teeth are quite clean but far from the whitest I've seen They used to be white, now they're yellowing maturing like Cheddar and mellowing developing into better things they're getting ever more menacing Snapping like a terrapin When I'm dead, I'll be outlived by my skeleton You're just jelly of my British teeth I'm a vicious beast If you do not like my music then it's obvious that you are just too jelly of my British teeth I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast with British teeth
3.
Sellout 04:03
In year 7 at school I remember that all I aimed to be was a professional rapper, gamer or comedian Well guess what, mate? Today I'm all three of them and we're saving up for payments to replace my faulty eardrums I aspired to be "Eminem meets Monty Python" with enough cash stockpiled to live my life on And now I'm getting there I tell myself: "nice one" While trolls send descriptions of the illness I should die from Hello, is anybody home? Turn the lights on Why do you think that you can tell me what to do in my song? Don't construct a moral code that you expect me to adhere to You're a mere shrew in a field of views so I can't even hear you Your opinion doesn't mean a thing to me If I'd have listened to it, I wouldn't be in this industry Wouldn't have made the friends I share a passion with travel with, make videos and have a stack of fun just rapping with To make a living playing games? Hell yeah! To make a living saying things? Hell yeah! To start my day by writing rhymes? Hell yeah! To never work a 9 to 5? Hell yeah! To be my own manager? Hell yeah! To get rich off what I did when I was amateur? I'm the one that's doing things, the rest of you are talking How can I have sold out? I never bought in I rarely make a love song, prefer dropping lovebombs but when it's time to spar, I'm the first to put the gloves on Life is a prize fight for a shine of the limelight and I'm loving every round of it, the Mike Tyson of my life I remember dreading a 9 to 5, suit and tie Talk about doing time, this was do or die Socially acceptable type of suicide Why should you or I let a single other human being rule our life Life is an RPG, and we need more than XP so larp with me; I won't charge a fee if you impress me Do it deftly and there's no end to what you can get free I love to chase success, I state that expressly I've never compromised my mission or integrity My mission is to do whatever I think's best for me Eventually I'll write lyrics on flipping everything Meanwhile I'll take a check to give the list a bit of editing To make a living playing games? Hell yeah! To make a living saying things? Hell yeah! To start my day by writing rhymes? Hell yeah! To never work a 9 to 5? Hell yeah! To be my own manager? Hell yeah! To get rich off what I did when I was amateur? I'm the one that's doing things, the rest of you are talking How can I have sold out? I never bought in I'm not the Wolf of Wall Street I'm just a Bull that's balls deep in every opportunity for improvement I see before me A song with product placement creates a complication even when accompanied by an honest statement and if I want to be an honored statesman I've got to make it proper blatant so I'm only going to say it once: My songs are entertainment, they're not a concrete statement and if you take a rap track as fact, then you are mistaken I'm not endorsing shit, unless I say it's good I never have and never will tell a fib in exchange for paper Perhaps your perspective would be turned round if you'd assessed the prospective shit that I had turned down I've spurned thousands of pounds from powerful people 'cause I found out just how they're treating creatures and it isn't peaceful so, to all my critics and my haters, God bless I'm not a sellout, nah, I'm a success To make a living playing games? Hell yeah! To make a living saying things? Hell yeah! To start my day by writing rhymes? Hell yeah! To never work a 9 to 5? Hell yeah! To be my own manager? Hell yeah! To get rich off what I did when I was amateur? I'm the one that's doing things, the rest of you are talking How can I have sold out? I never bought in
4.
Toys 03:54
I knew I was a fully grown man, a true bloke the moment I moved over to Lego from Duplo I was beautifully naive; a little Rousseau I didn't follow instructions, to this day I rarely do so It's true, bro, back then I never had a Cluedo that I was musical; I didn't do sports, I was too slow There was no sudoku, I did lots of crosswords wordsearches, Where's Wally and dot to dots No aerial in the TV, so there wasn't a lot to watch My parents played with me, in a way to please Doctor Spock to my mom and my dad I'm honoured to have, I want to just thank you With your support I'm rolling on top of the track like Thomas The Tank do Man I love my toys from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games Man I love my toys If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same Before I could pour liquor, or buy cigarettes in a shop I had football stickers in a nice little deck that I swapped collecting the Pogs, and I had loads of Tazos No notion it was only a passing fad though Nothing could distract me from the task in hand racking all my little cars up into one massive traffic jam I wasn't a massive fan of Action Man, that lacked the tactics Dan was after, tasks with grand strategy and a battle plan see the scene, a sea of green plastic army men amassed on a carpet desert, the three piece suite was sweeping scenery no need to make a Tracy Island, I had one in the first place and that was F.A.B. A fucking awesome birthday! Man I love my toys from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games Man I love my toys If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same I'm in a stupid mood, the rudest dude My language is that colourful, I twist it like a Rubik's cube I made a bandana from my dad's tie I think was purple Can't recall the name of that specific Ninja Turtle Me, I'm on that line of Brio kinda steelo I roll it out then bring it sliding right back just like a Whee-lo I write these raps to open up your mind like Mighty Max Stacking rhymes like Jenga bricks until you hear a mighty crash Flows crush you like the Stay Puft from Ghostbusters as I transform a simple sentence into one of those punches Some kids had a Happy Meal for most lunches Let's just say they won't be in Olympic host countries Man I love my toys from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games Man I love my toys If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same I had a Golliwog, to which I was a bit hostile The way I played could make behaviourists watchful Maybe I'm racist - don't what I got so pissed off for Regarding races, racing cars, I had a big boxful I used to burn them over candles with Chris Cottrill and once I got a Lego cannonball stuck in my nostril I love cyber pets of either sex, my Tamagotchi got treated, spoilt and overfed, he was hella podgy Felt godly, I was the one to whom AI would look up but I couldn't get my Furby to shut the fuck up Kids, advertisers sell you shit they cook up If you want a nostalgic trip, hit me up, I've got the hook up I've got He-Man and She-Ra, I've got Trolls They're called poseable action figurines, not dolls It's a shame that toys are frowned upon for adults cos there's nothing much for us except the rubber stuff at Ann Summers Man I love my toys from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games Man I love my toys If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same Man I love my toys
5.
Call me any nasty word: bum, slob, slacker, nerd I can't be arsed to come up with a comeback you haven't heard Can't be arsed to do my tax return, I've got cash to burn and I can't be arsed to invest the stacks I've earned Can't be arsed to chat; converse with you, I'm taciturn Can't be arsed to drive a car because I'd have to learn Can't be arsed to press the gas, I kinda like the backseat Thank god for Uber 'cause I can't be arsed to call a taxi To take the rubbish out, I'd have to pick it up and put it down and my brown wheely bin's got a funny smell Simple daily stuff is a battle, to grapple with tasks that should be natural's too much of a hassle I'm stuck in and shackled every kilojoule I physically exert's strenuous Just point me to where the dessert menu is Can't be arsed to hit the kitchen, not moving out this seat What food I'll have to eat? Pot Noodle, naturally Can't be arsed to feed the cat, little needy twat Don't want to peel the pack and pour it, can't you deal with that? Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Can't be arsed to wake up and get out of bed, I'm the laziest from A to... F it, can't be arsed with the alphabet Effort? Eff it Retention? Forget it Tension, don't stress it Getting too much? Just let it Can't be arsed to open the post and pay the bills Can't be arsed to practice rap and elevate my skills Can't be arsed to open my eyes or socialise Can't be arsed to vocalise I can't be arsed with shows and live sets, learning loads of lines Can't be arsed to leave the house I'm staying home tonight Can't be arsed to visit mates of mine, it's a waste of time I can play online and get my gossip through the grapevine Can't be arsed to shave my face or get a haircut to trek up to to the barbers just to trek back 'cause they're shut so my hair is messed up, I can't be arsed to style it I let myself go, and can't be arsed to fight it I've lost all control and can't be arsed to find it Half freestyling this song, I can't be arsed to write it Can't be arsed to rap on beat, I rap off beat Hehe, can't be arsed to even laugh properly Can't be arsed to try composing melodies with no luck I CBA to write my own hook Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. It doesn't matter what it is, man, I can't be arsed Come to think of it, I can't be arsed to not be arsed And if I can't be arsed to not be arsed I can't be arsed to not be arsed to not be arsed so I guess that means I can't be arsed to write filler because I can't be arsed to be considered anything apart from an an ice cold mic killer Can't be arsed with your rap so I will write songs Can't be arsed with tiredness so I sleep all night long Can't be arsed to go on the dole so I got a full time job Got a girlfriend, I can't be arsed to pull my knob Can't be arsed to masturbate, and for the past few days I've been far too busy to be arsed to procrastinate I stand out, can't be arsed to hang out in the background Hit the gym 'cause I can't be arsed to carry all that fat round Keep it deep, I can't be arsed to dumb the track down I can't be arsed to not make my mom and dad proud Can't be arsed to be fat, so when I see snacks I think "You know what, I can't be arsed to eat that" Can't be arsed to die young from heart disease Can't be arsed to force my blood through clogged up arteries Can't be arsed to be hard to please so I take it easy 'cause I can't be arsed to make my own life hard for me I'd like to say I do it for my health but I just can't be arsed to delegate, I do it all myself Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. Effort? Eff it. Eff it. I used to think "F it, I'm not doing it" but now I think "F it, I'm doing it" I used to think "F it, I'm not doing it" but now I think "F it, I'm doing it"
6.
Wiggly Willy 03:39
My full name's Cheltenham D.G.L.B. Digby My diet consists strictly of single malt whisky I'm particularly sesquipedalian I've not published a single literary failure and I'd speculate that's mainly thanks to the fact that I don't even write books, I just rap Trust that I'm a distinguished linguist whose voice's weapon of choice is English A rhythm wrecking rhetorician, getting recognition for the fact that I'm swagger's dictionary definition On first look, you're ready for a second listen I took your sister to third base, cherry picking Heavy hitting, yet with incredible erudition It's a travesty you haven't seen me rapping on your television I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly Allow the grime scene for the time being I turn the G into a C: crime scene I'm the nightmare to come and wreck your nice dream I'll open up your top like a double decker sightseeing I ripped the Rolex off of Wiley and now I wear it in my jacket pocket by my tie, see? I'm the reason that your wife's seen the dry cleaner imbibing my seed like Ribena I'll livestream it widescreen as she lies, semen smeared on her cheeks like a child eating ice cream She might need a new dress; Lewinsky I'm going mental on your crew's set; Klaus Kinski I'll kick your mumsy in the mimsy with an air of whimsy then throw her down the stairs like a slinky I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly Give me a mo, bro; Digby will make your ho go giggly, oh so quickly The po-po tried to photofit me I simply did this and they let me go: victory I don't have any history, lathered in mystery Someone phone Agatha Christie My breath smells of a packet of Wrigley's mixed with whatever the hell my tobacconist gives me I'll piggyback on the back of a pygmy screaming "quickly, quickly" while I'm jabbing his kidneys from the Indies to Sydney and in between a Cold War submarine is my limousine A libertine with the sympathy of Mr Bean a prick that means to to be inflammatory so bring your antihistamines I'm Mister Meanness, I bring a list of misdemeanours bigger than your sister's penis; how pissed the scene is just switch your speakers off if you're squeamish I've completed treatises and theses on faeces I'm the bee's knees; pollenating on the daily I leave seeds upon a range of lovely ladies I ram raided Hades with a Mercedes camera in the deceased's faces: "say cheese" I'm from a place of make believe, and now I'm real Slightly hallucinatory is how I feel Thou art kneeling before me; raw meat ready to be churned and then turned into corned beef Balls deep in the rhythm like a porn scene and jisming, it's beginning to get a bit like Wall Street With all the greed I'm growing taller than a broad bean Drag you to the park folded in half like a lawn seat I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly
7.
My name's Daniel, I'm twenty eight and I'm a self harmer What I'm telling you is real, not just another way to sell drama Not doing this for karma; tearing, throwing off my armour There, I'm showing off my scars, I'm bare, I hope I've not alarmed you The way I retaliate to aggravation and stress is to smack myself in the face til my sad face is a mess Scream my fucking lungs out, gasp, taking a breath Hit the right pitch, the sound of glass breaking is bliss but I can't smash the mirror, I'm afraid of broken glass so I punch the face I see in it, my bones make an open gash I need a healing potion fast, throw me in the ocean, splash The lifeboat has capsized, we've no hope and no man's an island, my contraband is anger, violence Lower the flag, no aggro, please, I demand silence Skull and crossbones, swollen cheekbones Pull the trigger, reload, pull the trigger, reload See me overdose on friendly fire No hope 'til I tote a broken nose and I can then retire Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do I feel ashamed of what I did now I've returned to clarity Even though I only hit myself, still it hurt my family All the things I hate about myself, they may be true or not It doesn't matter when my face is battered blue and black, with bruises Don't know what abuse is, why I do this, I'm a loser A faggot four-eyed freckle-faced fucking waste of space, I've had it I deserve to be damaged, it's a hurt I can manage I can take physical pain, it's the words that are savage My nerves are just ravaged, a small disturbance is all but certain to cause turbulence and of course they urge me to panic I'm scared of blood but never backed down from a brawl Stand up for myself, never sat down on the wall I'll go toe to toe until I'm passed out on the floor One of us is going to hospital, that's how much I'm raw Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you made me do
8.
This is not a subject many are approaching in rap Among the showboating and boasts, I know I'm so full of crap but I won't be complete without penning an ode to the fact that I feel most at home stroking a cat I feel his paws on my shoulder so I turn and I'm poking him back He kneads my knees and I know he's cozy The chap's hoping to doze in my lap It's fairly safe to say I'm open to that because I'm most at home stroking a cat Jimmy I'm stroking a cat Sammy See him doze in my lap Patty There's few feelings closer than that I'm at home when I'm stroking a cat Behind the ears, now under the chin Tickle the tummy, and feel the fluff on your skin I had a cold heart, but that frost was going to melt because your fine fluffy fur was the softest thing I've felt Put me in contact with my lost and inner self but gosh, your droppings are the most obnoxious thing I've smelt If Jay Z had a baby with a crazy cat lady their DNA would mutate to make me It may be crazy that I cradle cats in place of babies but you wouldn't make me change my behaviour if you paid me Maybe it's love, perhaps it's toxoplasmosis Honestly, I'm kind of shocked that I wrote this I'm too far gone, I'm lost and I'm hopeless Put a poster on the lamp post for me, and hope someone will notice Jimmy I'm stroking a cat Sammy See him doze in my lap Patty There's few feelings closer than that I'm at home when I'm stroking a cat Behind the ears, now under the chin Tickle the tummy, and feel the fluff on your skin I try not to treat you anthropormorphically but damn, if you could talk to me that'd be awesome, see I need to reassure you that I'll always be here for you Though we are mere mortal beings I would run a mile for every single minute that I fear for you I'm no loyalist but to me you are the real royal Developed and bred up as a vicious predator I found it tricky to picture, 'til you ripped that stick of feathers up You're like a teddy bear, but sentient with agency That's why I savour the sentiment you'd deign to play with me The wide world is dangerous; home's a haven, sweet and if you need love enough, I'm sure we have a vacancy Jimmy I'm stroking a cat Sammy See him doze in my lap Patty There's few feelings closer than that I'm at home when I'm stroking a cat Behind the ears, now under the chin Tickle the tummy, and feel the fluff on your skin Aside from mewling, I'll never get to hear you speak but we communicate in other ways, enough to know you're unique The pet sanctuary was a feline Who's Who perusing kittens like I was trying on a new shoe I wonder what the factor was that made me choose you Don't know, perhaps you chose me, and I just knew too You had a true cuteness I never grew used to It rips my heart apart knowing that soon I'll lose you
9.
From Brother Ali to Forest Whitaker When it comes to body image there's a common myth that we're not bothered with it but it's bollocks it'd take a lot of confidence to stop us wishing at least something was different You see kids stacked with six packs skins tanned and big abs and think that to fit in then you need to have this crap I've had enough of airbrushed buff people I see on telly Where's all the freckles, crooked yellow teeth and beer bellies? I'm a bit chubby round the edges prefer pudding to veggies In restaurants they say "do you want a side of salad or potato wedges?" I'll leave you to guess my preference *Insert generic Mr Creosote reference* but I look after myself Might grab an apple and leave the snacks on the shelf As well as pizza I eat pasta as well The human appendix is similar to my gym membership It rarely ever gets used even when I remember it Now I'm no exercise freak but I exercise each week even if it's just stepping outside and down the street I can swim, I can dance, I can skank or ride a bike It doesn't matter man, variety's the spice of life Why are you looking at me? Stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free Why are you looking at me? Man, stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me Why are you looking at me? Stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free Why are you looking at me? Man, stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me I thought "please Lord, make me thin" "Paint my pasty skin" "Take me out of this funny frame you've placed me in" My face is ginger while my head hair is mousey brown but I turned my doubts around My thoughts are more healthy now I quit searching for the perfect physique I'd prefer to be a person that people feel at ease with when first we meet See, it's not just about how you look when you're out with your friends It's about whether you are looking out for your friends Why are you looking at me? Stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free Why are you looking at me? Man, stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me Why are you looking at me? Stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free Why are you looking at me? Man, stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me I'm no Michelangelo's David My stature isn't classical Sod a perfect body Mine's autobiographical Every flaw, every blemish, every scar is a natural tattooed testament to how I got this far Cosmetics and excrement, I can't detect the difference except that the expensive one is what you want to get for Christmas My head's significantly bigger than average You'll laugh when you see me getting a hat fitted It's the massivest but that's the thing, it's a trivial matter except when acceptance happens to be the thing that you're after Call me an ignorant rapper, spitting the dumbest rhymes but you can stick your opinion where the sun doesn't shine and for a chap my bum's more like Nicki's than Miley's What a kick in the hiney but so what? My friends think of me highly Despite my glitches, they think that I'm the nicest guy We like a bit of variety It's the spice of life Why are you looking at me? Stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free Why are you looking at me? Man, stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me Why are you looking at me? Stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free Why are you looking at me? Man, stuff your physique Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me the man I'm confident and comfy to be Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me the man I'm confident and comfy to be
10.
Within a few years the elephants are going to die But they're less important to our ecosystem than a fly All of our actions are ultimately selfish Even when we help the helpless we're thinking what we can get out of this No need for an apology It's just biology, because we're stronger in a colony And honestly, I can't debate the fact my claims'll be debated I can't overstate the fact I'm underrated I can't stand or understand the fact I'm hated I tried being understated 'til I realised it was overrated Your tablet phone was made by modern day slave labour The world today's arranged to make use chase paper to the grave, spend spend spend, but make sure you save for later Haters are going hate but maybe what they're saying will save you Insane or saviour? Am I a liar, pariah, messiah or a normal guy with the desire to inquire? I'm adding fuel to fire, I'll draw the ire either side of the dividing line like a binary multiplier We're all bullied at school, but never did it ourselves That doesn't add up, you were a bully without knowing as well You're guilty of stuff you'd have others thrown in a cell for So look close to home before telling us what we're going to hell for Look at the elephant Look at the fucking elephant The elephant Look at the motherfucking elephant The elephant Look at the fucking elephant The elephant Look at the motherfucking elephant Now, human rights are universal 'cause they mean nothing unless given the worst of us Regardless of what people do Murderers are people too who legally you're equal to There's no line between good and evil, dude There's only actions and intentions A result of chemical reactions and events and any ethical infractions that you care to add that are an invention but don't pretend that that's an invitation to act a twat 'cause you're ingrained with empathy, advanced behaviour Saviour But you have more empathy for people of your own race for those whose skin tone fits that of your own face The capacity's in all of us for genocide It's best to face the demon inside than try to run and hide Nazis were people too If you'd have been in their circumstances the certain chance is you would be one too Paedophiles are people too, that's their sexuality It's not a choice, they're not criminals unless they breach legality and when the age of consent changes internationally ranging from eight to eighteen then it's a massive leap You may feel uncomfortable, but it's the truth actually like the fact that you're a walking talking poo factory Look at the elephant Look at the fucking elephant The elephant Look at the motherfucking elephant The elephant Look at the fucking elephant The elephant Look at the motherfucking elephant Within a few years the elephants are going to die But they're less important to our ecosystem than a fly A transexual is genetically their birth gender It's burnt into the embers of their cells like the Earth's centre We can pretend, but in the end, eventually identity's inconsequential, conscious beings are nonessential Disagree? Eeach piece of meat you eat was borne of suffering Most reasons for eating it recede to nothing when you look at it And similarly with abortion, a significant portion of the arguments can apply to infants that are already born If you say you refuse to go back to coat hangers then the NRA could claim the same: "we won't go back to daggers!" You may say it's none of my business as a cishet Brit but I'm not one for indifference, I'm at odds with it It is what it is regardless of whose gob's emitting it so if you've got a problem with listening it's probably the cognitive dissonance kicking in Some of your most deep and strong beliefs are wrong, mine too Read along to the lyrics of this song, you'll probably see the ones To err is human, to forgive divine to redefine what we believe is right is to see behind the scenes and really feel alive to be reminded of the blood, the guts, the bones and the meat inside I really tried but this feeling can't even be described it's too revealing, I can't be surprised we try to keep it hiding At times fear takes over, so like Peter, we deny but the beauty within reason seems it cannot be defied Everyone will compromise their morals for enough money And farts will always, always be funny The elephant Look at the fucking elephant The elephant Look at the motherfucking elephant The elephant Look at the fucking elephant The elephant Look at the motherfucking elephant
11.
When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb I thought these things were supposed to tell the facts Howcome we got this outcome? They're meant to be 99.9% accurate, but now I doubt them I thought maybe one day I may want a baby but not here, not now, what, are you crazy? It's too soon, I'm too stupid to build a human nest I'm a man child hiding in the shadow of my student debts We always used protection, at least to my recollection Well, I guess this is another new regret for my collection and I won't kill a fetus even if it's millimetres If I'm big enough to spill a seed then I'm big enough to let it breathe a fellow creature, full of genes of each of us We're big enough to bring it up and let it develop features Left speechless But my ears hurt even when I hear tiny noises How am I going to deal with each night of crying high-pitched voices? When they're in pain, there's no way to make them say it softly I'm good with kids as long as someone can take them off me And what'll remain of a relationship that's already strained? The love that's left is drained and plumbed into a baby's veins And what if this isn't the right relationship to stay with? At this stage in the day it may just be too late to change it I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified My life is rather good, it's not time for fatherhood Looking after cats is hard enough, I can't give up my livelihood I can't be a role model, my own soul's swaddled My train of thought's like a pram rolling on old cobbles How can I change the habit of a lifetime, I'm a lazy chappy Change that? I've never had to change a baby's nappy Don't want to watch the Tweenies on the TV I like cult classic black and white cinema, fuck CBeebies I don't have a choice any more I don't have a voice any more Can't make noise any more I can't have a bottle of brandy and a LAN party with the boys any more The way I want to steer the ship and the way it heads's all different The game of life's flipped from single player to a co-op escort mission How can I provide enough safety and security when it feels like it's the whole world versus her and me? Poland versus Germany, east versus west Earth's eating itself, while I've invited you to be its guest What can I bring to the table? I'm not mentally stable but they say parenting's innate and we're all meant to be able But what if it's ill, what it's disabled, what if it's not mine? What if it dies, what if it grows up to be a horrible little gobshite What if it hates me? What if it's not just one kid What if it listens to this song and feels unwanted I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified I hope I can be helpful during the birth providing backup for the mother of the youngest of the children of earth When it's eighteen, I'll be forty-eight When it's forty-eight, I'll be seventy-eight and when it's seventy-eight, I should be dead in the grave or in my place waiting at the heavenly gate Every day, a memory fades except for some strange cases like when I'm travelling back to the past and wondering whether to change places When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb but now I've settled down I've got one message: Welcome I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy
12.
Fuck Fuck gongs Fuck the beginning of songs and fuck you if you're not singing along Fuck right Fuck wrong Fuck ping Fuck pong Fuck weak Fuck strong Fuck king Fuck kong Fuck the internet Fuck Twitter Fuck Reddit Fuck ridiculously quick scrolling end credits Fuck rickrolls Fuck memes Fuck The Game Fuck sex Fuck pleasure Fuck pain Fuck cancer Fuck looking for an answer And fuck this new breed of YouTube prankster Fuck gangstas Fuck the police Fuck NWA Fuck your beliefs Fuck war Fuck peace Fuck north Fuck east Fuck south Fuck west Fuck more Fuck less Fuck bums Fuck breasts Fuck school Fuck tests Fuck work Fuck play Fuck rest Fuck meditation Fuck stress Fuck the way you talk the way you think Fuck the way you dress Fuck failure Fuck success Fuck life Fuck death Fuck no Fuck yes Fuck menstrual cramps Fuck collecting stamps Fuck banks Fuck saying please and fuck thanks Fuck Ant Fuck Dec Fuck PJ and Duncan Fuck democrats Fuck GOP republicans Fuck shyness Fuck confidence Fuck incompetence and fuck accomplishments Fuck Catholics Fuck Protestants Fuck the sea Fuck the ice caps Fuck continents Fuck nuclear weapons Fuck disarmament Fuck the monarchy Fuck parliament Fuck the Tories and fuck Labour Fuck asking for help Fuck doing someone else a favour Fuck tastebuds Fuck flavours Fuck Remington's range of electric shavers Fuck beards Fuck hipsters Fuck queers Fuck the popping sounds coming from my ears Fuck the elderly Fuck the disabled Fuck convoluted train timetables Fuck puberty Fuck mosquitos Fuck filibusting politicians Fuck vetos Fuck Pepsi Fuck Coke Fuck being serious and fuck jokes Fuck puns Fuck irons Fuck irony Fuck illiteracy Fuck libraries Fuck copyright law Fuck piracy Fuck the surveillance state Fuck privacy Fuck poverty Fuck charities Fuck the movement towards gender pay parity Fuck activism Fuck apathy Fuck flawless logic Fuck fallacies Fuck allergies Fuck anarchy Fuck order Fuck straight lines Fuck curves Fuck corners Fuck immigration Fuck borders Fuck dads Fuck mums Fuck sons Fuck daughters Fuck having hair Fuck Gail Porter Fuck air Fuck earth Fuck water Fuck the poor Fuck the rich Fuck a whore Fuck a bitch Fuck informers and snitches Fuck giving them stitches Fuck words Fuck pictures Fuck Churchill Fuck Hitler Fuck gingers Fuck feet Fuck metres Fuck inches Fuck decimals and integers Fuck the Prime Minister Fuck fires and fuck fire extinguishers Fuck the nematodes in vinegar Fuck advertising campaigns that feature Gary Lineker Fuck the proles fuch the bourgeoisie Fuck letters Fuck a Fuck b Fuck c Fuck one Fuck two Fuck three Fuck poo Fuck wee Fuck you Fuck me Fuck swearing Fuck hypocrisy Fuck family friendly Fuck controversy Fuck lies Fuck honesty Fuck doing things wrong Fuck doing things properly Fuck Douglby Fuck broccoli Fuck advanced breakthroughs in medical technology Fuck animal research Fuck animal rights Fuck automatics Fuck manual drive Fuck obeying the rules and fuck crime Fuck physics Fuck space Fuck time Fuck rhyme Fuck Stephen Hawking Fuck slow walking Fuck uptalking Fuck abortion clinics Fuck foetuses Fuck vaginas Fuck penises Fuck the MRAs Fuck the feminists Fuck the army Fuck civilians and fuck terrorists Fuck optimists Fuck pessimists Fuck being sexually vanilla Fuck fetishes Fuck paedophiles Fuck children Fuck flying hijacked planes into buildings Fuck being offensive Fuck being offended Fuck ****ing censorship Fuck being so sensitive Fuck my friends Fuck acquaintances and enemies Fuck my fans Fuck my family Fuck anybody Fuck Muslims Fuck Jews Fuck Christians Atheists, fuck you Fuck nice people Fuck jerks Fuck school Fuck work Fuck Miley Cyrus trying to twerk Fuck nerds Fuck jocks Fuck shoes Fuck socks Fuck the English Fuck the Irish, Welsh and the Scots Fuck stores Fuck shops Fuck pork Fuck chops Fuck floors Fuck mops Fuck doors Fuck locks Fuck hip hop Fuck pop Fuck metal Fuck bees Fuck wasps Fuck nettles Fuck smooth complexions Fuck freckles Fuck black pots Fuck kettles Fuck black people Fuck white people Fuck apartheid and fuck being equal Fuck sharks Fuck bald eagles Fuck fucking all three Star Wars prequels Fuck free will Fuck determinism Fuck freedom of the press Fuck restricting journalism Fuck repetition Fuck repetition Fuck the word fuck's dictonary definition Fuck crack Fuck pot Fuck cats Fuck dogs Fuck chavs Fuck goths Fuck crabs Fuck moths Fuck colds Fuck flu Fuck coughs Fuck this music Fuck you and fuck off Fucking hell No offense.

about

After amassing a quarter of a billion views on YouTube, unsigned nerdcore Brit rapper Dan Bull is excited to excrete his fourth studio album, Hip Hop Hooray.

Hip Hop Hooray is an honest celebration of hip hop culture - from someone far too privileged to have ever experienced it first hand. The album is split into two sides - the first half representing Dan's extrovert, silly side, and the second half his introverted, serious side.

Throughout Hip Hop Hooray, Dan digs deep into such popular topics as toys from the 1990s, questionable dental hygiene, the homoerotic undertones of rugby scrummages, and the simple pleasure of stroking a cat.

Hip Hop Hooray is released digitally on Friday 13th January and will be a moderate disappointment.

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released January 13, 2017

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Dan Bull Bromsgrove, UK

Dan Bull is a man who says words in pleasing patterns. You can listen to them here, and on YouTube. This sentence is about guns, in order to make this biography more interesting.

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