Hip Hop Hooray

by Dan Bull

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about

After amassing a quarter of a billion views on YouTube, unsigned nerdcore Brit rapper Dan Bull is excited to excrete his fourth studio album, Hip Hop Hooray.

Hip Hop Hooray is an honest celebration of hip hop culture - from someone far too privileged to have ever experienced it first hand. The album is split into two sides - the first half representing Dan's extrovert, silly side, and the second half his introverted, serious side.

Throughout Hip Hop Hooray, Dan digs deep into such popular topics as toys from the 1990s, questionable dental hygiene, the homoerotic undertones of rugby scrummages, and the simple pleasure of stroking a cat.

Hip Hop Hooray is released digitally on Friday 13th January and will be a moderate disappointment.

credits

released January 13, 2017

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about

Dan Bull Bromsgrove, UK

Dan Bull is a man who says words in pleasing patterns. You can listen to them here, and on YouTube. This sentence is about guns, in order to make this biography more interesting.

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Track Name: Rugbuggery
They call me Douglby
I tackle issues like ruggleby
A blend of gentlemanliness and thuggery
I'll glass you, with some very expensive bubbly
Bloody luxury
Bone cutlery protrudes from your wounds
Buggery
Ooh, a scrummage
Lovely jubbly
A useful excuse to induce you to cuddle me
The two teams squeeze together quite snugly
rummaging and fumbling with undiscovered subtlety
Beneath the scrummaging we're being all couply
I'm roughly as politically correct as little Huckleberry Finn
using epithets no longer customary
I'll get with your ex then apply for custody
of your little buggers then we'll bugger of to Tuscany
I'm in your cufflinks and tux living comfortably
Bloody luxury
Being you? Sucks to be

Whether you rap
whether you rock
or whether you roll
I insist that you relinquish all control
We're playing rugby and the ball's your soul
So pass it back to Douglby and we'll all go home

Rap's raconteur, back on tour
I'll blap a crap reviewer
Sacre bleu, heh
That's one fewer wrongdoer
I'm long due an apology
and I want you to give one to me
If you ever listened to a rapper and it wasn't me
I'll pull off my tracky bottoms and give you a tracheotomy
I'll leave you looking like a child eating broccoli
Ticking you off, saying "chew your food properly"
I operate a strict sick lyrics only policy
so originality's a pretty big priority
I lyrically precede the Iliad and Odyssey
They found my lyric pad within a Celtic monastery
Follow Gilgamesh's genaeology through Ptolemy
Anyone of quality, they probably just copied me
So are my sonnets prophecy or an anomaly?
A little bit of column A, a bit of column B

Whether you rap
whether you rock
or whether you roll
I insist that you relinquish all control
We're playing rugby and the ball's your soul
So pass it back to Douglby and we'll all go home
Track Name: British Teeth
I was a jolly good child
but never had a Hollywood smile
I probably should be bothered but I'm not
'cause my gob is just part of my ebullient style
Charmingly funny and vile
like Stan, Cartman, Kenny and Kyle
Met a woman, it was good for a while
then I grinned and had her running a mile
Ugh... look at all that spit
I've got a mouth like a Sarlacc Pit
I look a bit like I was kicked to the kerb
and my teeth took it worse than the Tarmac I bit
I'm a little bit Ricky Gervais
if he was hit with a brick in the face
Dirty cunt
Perverted version of Kirsten Dunst
but worse in person 'cause of a certain oniony pungence
Line up girls, who's first in front?
Got a tongue like a Persian rug
Fuck mouthwash, pass the detergent *glug*
This is urgent look, get a surgeon booked
who can work with the curtains shut
Too squeamish to floss, bleeding is gross
so please just leave me to rot
'cause believe it or not
I really am reasonably pleased with the teeth that I've got
Don't give a fuck whether you're a fan of mine
Stop... Arm & Hammer time

You're jelly of my British teeth
I'm a vicious beast
If you do not like my music
then it's obvious that you are just too jelly of my British teeth
I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast
I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast with British teeth

Got them whitened, I might get them straightened
but I kind of like to frighten the states with them
And would Amy Winehouse
have sounded the same without the wide mouth?
And the same applies to Shane MacGowan
John Lydon, Clint Howard
Think "Lemmy meets Steve Buscemi"
I can already see your semi
see you're jelly of my British teeth aplenty
see your envy
I'm the MVP of dentistry on the NHS
My teeth are sexy
I bring the Aquafreshest raps
grinning like a Cheshire Cat
Fuck your feckless standards of beauty
you can shut your precious mouth
My dentist was the gentlest
she never did a thing that was senseless
She sensibly selected medical consensus over aesthetic pretenses
Regarding hygiene my teeth are quite clean
but far from the whitest I've seen
They used to be white, now they're yellowing
maturing like Cheddar and mellowing
developing into better things
they're getting ever more menacing
Snapping like a terrapin
When I'm dead, I'll be outlived by my skeleton

You're just jelly of my British teeth
I'm a vicious beast
If you do not like my music
then it's obvious that you are just too jelly of my British teeth
I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast
I'm a vicious beast, I'm a vicious beast with British teeth
Track Name: Sellout
In year 7 at school I remember that all I aimed to be
was a professional rapper, gamer or comedian
Well guess what, mate? Today I'm all three of them
and we're saving up for payments to replace my faulty eardrums
I aspired to be "Eminem meets Monty Python"
with enough cash stockpiled to live my life on
And now I'm getting there I tell myself: "nice one"
While trolls send descriptions of the illness I should die from
Hello, is anybody home? Turn the lights on
Why do you think that you can tell me what to do in my song?
Don't construct a moral code that you expect me to adhere to
You're a mere shrew in a field of views
so I can't even hear you
Your opinion doesn't mean a thing to me
If I'd have listened to it, I wouldn't be in this industry
Wouldn't have made the friends I share a passion with
travel with, make videos and have a stack of fun just rapping with

To make a living playing games? Hell yeah!
To make a living saying things? Hell yeah!
To start my day by writing rhymes? Hell yeah!
To never work a 9 to 5? Hell yeah!
To be my own manager? Hell yeah!
To get rich off what I did when I was amateur?
I'm the one that's doing things, the rest of you are talking
How can I have sold out? I never bought in

I rarely make a love song, prefer dropping lovebombs
but when it's time to spar, I'm the first to put the gloves on
Life is a prize fight for a shine of the limelight
and I'm loving every round of it, the Mike Tyson of my life
I remember dreading a 9 to 5, suit and tie
Talk about doing time, this was do or die
Socially acceptable type of suicide
Why should you or I let a single other human being rule our life
Life is an RPG, and we need more than XP
so larp with me; I won't charge a fee if you impress me
Do it deftly and there's no end to what you can get free
I love to chase success, I state that expressly
I've never compromised my mission or integrity
My mission is to do whatever I think's best for me
Eventually I'll write lyrics on flipping everything
Meanwhile I'll take a check to give the list a bit of editing

To make a living playing games? Hell yeah!
To make a living saying things? Hell yeah!
To start my day by writing rhymes? Hell yeah!
To never work a 9 to 5? Hell yeah!
To be my own manager? Hell yeah!
To get rich off what I did when I was amateur?
I'm the one that's doing things, the rest of you are talking
How can I have sold out? I never bought in

I'm not the Wolf of Wall Street
I'm just a Bull that's balls deep
in every opportunity for improvement I see before me
A song with product placement creates a complication
even when accompanied by an honest statement
and if I want to be an honored statesman
I've got to make it proper blatant
so I'm only going to say it once:
My songs are entertainment, they're not a concrete statement
and if you take a rap track as fact, then you are mistaken
I'm not endorsing shit, unless I say it's good
I never have and never will tell a fib in exchange for paper
Perhaps your perspective would be turned round
if you'd assessed the prospective shit that I had turned down
I've spurned thousands of pounds from powerful people
'cause I found out just how they're treating creatures and it isn't peaceful
so, to all my critics and my haters, God bless
I'm not a sellout, nah, I'm a success

To make a living playing games? Hell yeah!
To make a living saying things? Hell yeah!
To start my day by writing rhymes? Hell yeah!
To never work a 9 to 5? Hell yeah!
To be my own manager? Hell yeah!
To get rich off what I did when I was amateur?
I'm the one that's doing things, the rest of you are talking
How can I have sold out? I never bought in
Track Name: Toys
I knew I was a fully grown man, a true bloke
the moment I moved over to Lego from Duplo
I was beautifully naive; a little Rousseau
I didn't follow instructions, to this day I rarely do so
It's true, bro, back then I never had a Cluedo
that I was musical; I didn't do sports, I was too slow
There was no sudoku, I did lots of crosswords
wordsearches, Where's Wally and dot to dots
No aerial in the TV, so there wasn't a lot to watch
My parents played with me, in a way to please Doctor Spock
to my mom and my dad I'm honoured to have, I want to just thank you
With your support I'm rolling on top of the track like Thomas The Tank do

Man I love my toys
from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same

Before I could pour liquor, or buy cigarettes in a shop
I had football stickers in a nice little deck that I swapped
collecting the Pogs, and I had loads of Tazos
No notion it was only a passing fad though
Nothing could distract me from the task in hand
racking all my little cars up into one massive traffic jam
I wasn't a massive fan of Action Man, that lacked the tactics Dan was
after, tasks with grand strategy and a battle plan
see the scene, a sea of green plastic army men
amassed on a carpet desert, the three piece suite was sweeping scenery
no need to make a Tracy Island, I had one in the first place
and that was F.A.B.
A fucking awesome birthday!

Man I love my toys
from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same

I'm in a stupid mood, the rudest dude
My language is that colourful, I twist it like a Rubik's cube
I made a bandana from my dad's tie I think was purple
Can't recall the name of that specific Ninja Turtle
Me, I'm on that line of Brio kinda steelo
I roll it out then bring it sliding right back just like a Whee-lo
I write these raps to open up your mind like Mighty Max
Stacking rhymes like Jenga bricks until you hear a mighty crash
Flows crush you like the Stay Puft from Ghostbusters
as I transform a simple sentence into one of those punches
Some kids had a Happy Meal for most lunches
Let's just say they won't be in Olympic host countries

Man I love my toys
from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same

I had a Golliwog, to which I was a bit hostile
The way I played could make behaviourists watchful
Maybe I'm racist - don't what I got so pissed off for
Regarding races, racing cars, I had a big boxful
I used to burn them over candles with Chris Cottrill
and once I got a Lego cannonball stuck in my nostril
I love cyber pets of either sex, my Tamagotchi
got treated, spoilt and overfed, he was hella podgy
Felt godly, I was the one to whom AI would look up
but I couldn't get my Furby to shut the fuck up
Kids, advertisers sell you shit they cook up
If you want a nostalgic trip, hit me up, I've got the hook up
I've got He-Man and She-Ra, I've got Trolls
They're called poseable action figurines, not dolls
It's a shame that toys are frowned upon for adults cos there's
nothing much for us except the rubber stuff at Ann Summers

Man I love my toys
from action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same
Man I love my toys
Track Name: Can't Be Arsed
Call me any nasty word: bum, slob, slacker, nerd
I can't be arsed to come up with a comeback you haven't heard
Can't be arsed to do my tax return, I've got cash to burn
and I can't be arsed to invest the stacks I've earned
Can't be arsed to chat; converse with you, I'm taciturn
Can't be arsed to drive a car because I'd have to learn
Can't be arsed to press the gas, I kinda like the backseat
Thank god for Uber 'cause I can't be arsed to call a taxi
To take the rubbish out, I'd have to pick it up and put it down
and my brown wheely bin's got a funny smell
Simple daily stuff is a battle, to grapple with tasks
that should be natural's too much of a hassle
I'm stuck in and shackled
every kilojoule I physically exert's strenuous
Just point me to where the dessert menu is
Can't be arsed to hit the kitchen, not moving out this seat
What food I'll have to eat? Pot Noodle, naturally
Can't be arsed to feed the cat, little needy twat
Don't want to peel the pack and pour it, can't you deal with that?

Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.

Can't be arsed to wake up and get out of bed, I'm the laziest
from A to... F it, can't be arsed with the alphabet
Effort? Eff it
Retention? Forget it
Tension, don't stress it
Getting too much? Just let it
Can't be arsed to open the post and pay the bills
Can't be arsed to practice rap and elevate my skills
Can't be arsed to open my eyes or socialise
Can't be arsed to vocalise

I can't be arsed with shows and live sets, learning loads of lines
Can't be arsed to leave the house I'm staying home tonight
Can't be arsed to visit mates of mine, it's a waste of time
I can play online and get my gossip through the grapevine
Can't be arsed to shave my face or get a haircut
to trek up to to the barbers just to trek back 'cause they're shut
so my hair is messed up, I can't be arsed to style it
I let myself go, and can't be arsed to fight it
I've lost all control and can't be arsed to find it
Half freestyling this song, I can't be arsed to write it
Can't be arsed to rap on beat, I rap off beat
Hehe, can't be arsed to even laugh properly
Can't be arsed to try composing melodies with no luck
I CBA to write my own hook

Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.

It doesn't matter what it is, man, I can't be arsed
Come to think of it, I can't be arsed to not be arsed
And if I can't be arsed to not be arsed
I can't be arsed to not be arsed to not be arsed
so I guess that means I can't be arsed to write filler
because I can't be arsed to be considered anything apart from an an ice cold mic killer
Can't be arsed with your rap so I will write songs
Can't be arsed with tiredness so I sleep all night long
Can't be arsed to go on the dole so I got a full time job
Got a girlfriend, I can't be arsed to pull my knob
Can't be arsed to masturbate, and for the past few days
I've been far too busy to be arsed to procrastinate
I stand out, can't be arsed to hang out in the background
Hit the gym 'cause I can't be arsed to carry all that fat round
Keep it deep, I can't be arsed to dumb the track down
I can't be arsed to not make my mom and dad proud
Can't be arsed to be fat, so when I see snacks
I think "You know what, I can't be arsed to eat that"
Can't be arsed to die young from heart disease
Can't be arsed to force my blood through clogged up arteries
Can't be arsed to be hard to please so I take it easy
'cause I can't be arsed to make my own life hard for me
I'd like to say I do it for my health
but I just can't be arsed to delegate, I do it all myself

Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.
Effort? Eff it. Eff it.

I used to think "F it, I'm not doing it"
but now I think "F it, I'm doing it"
I used to think "F it, I'm not doing it"
but now I think "F it, I'm doing it"
Track Name: Wiggly Willy
My full name's Cheltenham D.G.L.B. Digby
My diet consists strictly of single malt whisky
I'm particularly sesquipedalian
I've not published a single literary failure
and I'd speculate that's mainly thanks to the fact
that I don't even write books, I just rap
Trust that I'm a distinguished linguist
whose voice's weapon of choice is English
A rhythm wrecking rhetorician, getting recognition
for the fact that I'm swagger's dictionary definition
On first look, you're ready for a second listen
I took your sister to third base, cherry picking
Heavy hitting, yet with incredible erudition
It's a travesty you haven't seen me rapping on your television

I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly

Allow the grime scene for the time being
I turn the G into a C: crime scene
I'm the nightmare to come and wreck your nice dream
I'll open up your top like a double decker sightseeing
I ripped the Rolex off of Wiley
and now I wear it in my jacket pocket by my tie, see?
I'm the reason that your wife's seen the dry cleaner
imbibing my seed like Ribena
I'll livestream it widescreen
as she lies, semen smeared on her cheeks like a child eating ice cream
She might need a new dress; Lewinsky
I'm going mental on your crew's set; Klaus Kinski
I'll kick your mumsy in the mimsy with an air of whimsy
then throw her down the stairs like a slinky

I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly

Give me a mo, bro; Digby
will make your ho go giggly, oh so quickly
The po-po tried to photofit me
I simply did this and they let me go: victory
I don't have any history, lathered in mystery
Someone phone Agatha Christie
My breath smells of a packet of Wrigley's
mixed with whatever the hell my tobacconist gives me
I'll piggyback on the back of a pygmy
screaming "quickly, quickly" while I'm jabbing his kidneys
from the Indies to Sydney and in between
a Cold War submarine is my limousine
A libertine with the sympathy of Mr Bean
a prick that means to to be inflammatory so bring your antihistamines
I'm Mister Meanness, I bring a list of misdemeanours
bigger than your sister's penis; how pissed the scene is
just switch your speakers off if you're squeamish
I've completed treatises and theses on faeces
I'm the bee's knees; pollenating on the daily
I leave seeds upon a range of lovely ladies
I ram raided Hades with a Mercedes
camera in the deceased's faces: "say cheese"
I'm from a place of make believe, and now I'm real
Slightly hallucinatory is how I feel
Thou art kneeling before me; raw meat
ready to be churned and then turned into corned beef
Balls deep in the rhythm like a porn scene
and jisming, it's beginning to get a bit like Wall Street
With all the greed I'm growing taller than a broad bean
Drag you to the park folded in half like a lawn seat

I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly
Track Name: I Hurt Myself
My name's Daniel, I'm twenty eight and I'm a self harmer
What I'm telling you is real, not just another way to sell drama
Not doing this for karma; tearing, throwing off my armour
There, I'm showing off my scars, I'm bare, I hope I've not alarmed you
The way I retaliate to aggravation and stress
is to smack myself in the face til my sad face is a mess
Scream my fucking lungs out, gasp, taking a breath
Hit the right pitch, the sound of glass breaking is bliss
but I can't smash the mirror, I'm afraid of broken glass
so I punch the face I see in it, my bones make an open gash
I need a healing potion fast, throw me in the ocean, splash
The lifeboat has capsized, we've no hope and
no man's an island, my contraband is anger, violence
Lower the flag, no aggro, please, I demand silence
Skull and crossbones, swollen cheekbones
Pull the trigger, reload, pull the trigger, reload
See me overdose on friendly fire
No hope 'til I tote a broken nose and I can then retire

Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do

I feel ashamed of what I did now I've returned to clarity
Even though I only hit myself, still it hurt my family
All the things I hate about myself, they may be true or not
It doesn't matter when my face is battered blue and black, with bruises
Don't know what abuse is, why I do this, I'm a loser
A faggot four-eyed freckle-faced fucking waste of space, I've had it
I deserve to be damaged, it's a hurt I can manage
I can take physical pain, it's the words that are savage
My nerves are just ravaged, a small disturbance is all but certain
to cause turbulence and of course they urge me to panic
I'm scared of blood but never backed down from a brawl
Stand up for myself, never sat down on the wall
I'll go toe to toe until I'm passed out on the floor
One of us is going to hospital, that's how much I'm raw

Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Track Name: Stroking A Cat
This is not a subject many are approaching in rap
Among the showboating and boasts, I know I'm so full of crap
but I won't be complete without penning an ode to the fact
that I feel most at home stroking a cat
I feel his paws on my shoulder so I turn and I'm poking him back
He kneads my knees and I know he's cozy
The chap's hoping to doze in my lap
It's fairly safe to say I'm open to that
because I'm most at home stroking a cat

Jimmy
I'm stroking a cat
Sammy
See him doze in my lap
Patty
There's few feelings closer than that
I'm at home when I'm stroking a cat

Behind the ears, now under the chin
Tickle the tummy, and feel the fluff on your skin

I had a cold heart, but that frost was going to melt
because your fine fluffy fur was the softest thing I've felt
Put me in contact with my lost and inner self
but gosh, your droppings are the most obnoxious thing I've smelt
If Jay Z had a baby with a crazy cat lady
their DNA would mutate to make me
It may be crazy that I cradle cats in place of babies
but you wouldn't make me change my behaviour if you paid me
Maybe it's love, perhaps it's toxoplasmosis
Honestly, I'm kind of shocked that I wrote this
I'm too far gone, I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Put a poster on the lamp post for me, and hope someone will notice

Jimmy
I'm stroking a cat
Sammy
See him doze in my lap
Patty
There's few feelings closer than that
I'm at home when I'm stroking a cat

Behind the ears, now under the chin
Tickle the tummy, and feel the fluff on your skin

I try not to treat you anthropormorphically
but damn, if you could talk to me
that'd be awesome, see
I need to reassure you that I'll always be here for you
Though we are mere mortal beings
I would run a mile for every single minute that I fear for you
I'm no loyalist but to me you are the real royal
Developed and bred up as a vicious predator
I found it tricky to picture, 'til you ripped that stick of feathers up
You're like a teddy bear, but sentient with agency
That's why I savour the sentiment you'd deign to play with me
The wide world is dangerous; home's a haven, sweet
and if you need love enough, I'm sure we have a vacancy

Jimmy
I'm stroking a cat
Sammy
See him doze in my lap
Patty
There's few feelings closer than that
I'm at home when I'm stroking a cat

Behind the ears, now under the chin
Tickle the tummy, and feel the fluff on your skin

Aside from mewling, I'll never get to hear you speak
but we communicate in other ways, enough to know you're unique
The pet sanctuary was a feline Who's Who
perusing kittens like I was trying on a new shoe
I wonder what the factor was that made me choose you
Don't know, perhaps you chose me, and I just knew too
You had a true cuteness I never grew used to
It rips my heart apart knowing that soon I'll lose you
Track Name: How To Smash Your Mirror
From Brother Ali to Forest Whitaker
When it comes to body image
there's a common myth that we're not bothered with it
but it's bollocks
it'd take a lot of confidence
to stop us wishing at least something was different
You see kids stacked with six packs
skins tanned and big abs
and think that to fit in then you need to have this crap
I've had enough of airbrushed buff people I see on telly
Where's all the freckles, crooked yellow teeth and beer bellies?
I'm a bit chubby round the edges
prefer pudding to veggies
In restaurants they say "do you want a side of salad or potato wedges?"
I'll leave you to guess my preference
*Insert generic Mr Creosote reference*
but I look after myself
Might grab an apple and leave the snacks on the shelf
As well as pizza I eat pasta as well
The human appendix is similar to my gym membership
It rarely ever gets used even when I remember it
Now I'm no exercise freak
but I exercise each week
even if it's just stepping outside and down the street
I can swim, I can dance, I can skank or ride a bike
It doesn't matter man, variety's the spice of life

Why are you looking at me?
Stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free
Why are you looking at me?
Man, stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me
Why are you looking at me?
Stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free
Why are you looking at me?
Man, stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me

I thought "please Lord, make me thin"
"Paint my pasty skin"
"Take me out of this funny frame you've placed me in"
My face is ginger while my head hair is mousey brown
but I turned my doubts around
My thoughts are more healthy now
I quit searching for the perfect physique
I'd prefer to be a person that people feel at ease with when first we meet
See, it's not just about how you look when you're out with your friends
It's about whether you are looking out for your friends

Why are you looking at me?
Stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free
Why are you looking at me?
Man, stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me
Why are you looking at me?
Stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free
Why are you looking at me?
Man, stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me

I'm no Michelangelo's David
My stature isn't classical
Sod a perfect body
Mine's autobiographical
Every flaw, every blemish, every scar
is a natural tattooed testament to how I got this far
Cosmetics and excrement, I can't detect the difference
except that the expensive one is what you want to get for Christmas
My head's significantly bigger than average
You'll laugh when you see me getting a hat fitted
It's the massivest
but that's the thing, it's a trivial matter
except when acceptance happens to be the thing that you're after
Call me an ignorant rapper, spitting the dumbest rhymes
but you can stick your opinion where the sun doesn't shine
and for a chap my bum's more like Nicki's than Miley's
What a kick in the hiney
but so what? My friends think of me highly
Despite my glitches, they think that I'm the nicest guy
We like a bit of variety
It's the spice of life

Why are you looking at me?
Stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free
Why are you looking at me?
Man, stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me
Why are you looking at me?
Stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and free
Why are you looking at me?
Man, stuff your physique
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me

Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me
the man I'm confident and comfy to be
Beauty's skin deep, I'd rather be ugly and me
the man I'm confident and comfy to be
Track Name: Look At The Elephant
Within a few years the elephants are going to die
But they're less important to our ecosystem than a fly
All of our actions are ultimately selfish
Even when we help the helpless
we're thinking what we can get out of this
No need for an apology
It's just biology, because we're stronger in a colony
And honestly, I can't debate the fact my claims'll be debated
I can't overstate the fact I'm underrated
I can't stand or understand the fact I'm hated
I tried being understated 'til I realised it was overrated
Your tablet phone was made by modern day slave labour
The world today's arranged to make use chase paper
to the grave, spend spend spend, but make sure you save for later
Haters are going hate but maybe what they're saying will save you
Insane or saviour?
Am I a liar, pariah, messiah
or a normal guy with the desire to inquire?
I'm adding fuel to fire, I'll draw the ire
either side of the dividing line like a binary multiplier
We're all bullied at school, but never did it ourselves
That doesn't add up, you were a bully without knowing as well
You're guilty of stuff you'd have others thrown in a cell for
So look close to home before telling us what we're going to hell for

Look at the elephant
Look at the fucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the motherfucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the fucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the motherfucking elephant

Now, human rights are universal
'cause they mean nothing unless given the worst of us
Regardless of what people do
Murderers are people too
who legally you're equal to
There's no line between good and evil, dude
There's only actions and intentions
A result of chemical reactions and events
and any ethical infractions that you care to add that are an invention
but don't pretend that that's an invitation to act a twat
'cause you're ingrained with empathy, advanced behaviour
Saviour
But you have more empathy for people of your own race
for those whose skin tone fits that of your own face

The capacity's in all of us for genocide
It's best to face the demon inside than try to run and hide
Nazis were people too
If you'd have been in their circumstances
the certain chance is you would be one too
Paedophiles are people too, that's their sexuality
It's not a choice, they're not criminals unless they breach legality
and when the age of consent changes internationally
ranging from eight to eighteen then it's a massive leap
You may feel uncomfortable, but it's the truth actually
like the fact that you're a walking talking poo factory

Look at the elephant
Look at the fucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the motherfucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the fucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the motherfucking elephant

Within a few years the elephants are going to die
But they're less important to our ecosystem than a fly
A transexual is genetically their birth gender
It's burnt into the embers of their cells like the Earth's centre
We can pretend, but in the end, eventually
identity's inconsequential, conscious beings are nonessential
Disagree? Eeach piece of meat you eat was borne of suffering
Most reasons for eating it recede to nothing when you look at it
And similarly with abortion, a significant portion
of the arguments can apply to infants that are already born
If you say you refuse to go back to coat hangers
then the NRA could claim the same: "we won't go back to daggers!"
You may say it's none of my business as a cishet Brit
but I'm not one for indifference, I'm at odds with it
It is what it is regardless of whose gob's emitting it
so if you've got a problem with listening
it's probably the cognitive dissonance kicking in
Some of your most deep and strong beliefs are wrong, mine too
Read along to the lyrics of this song, you'll probably see the ones
To err is human, to forgive divine
to redefine what we believe is right is to see behind the scenes
and really feel alive
to be reminded of the blood, the guts, the bones and the meat inside
I really tried but this feeling can't even be described
it's too revealing, I can't be surprised we try to keep it hiding
At times fear takes over, so like Peter, we deny
but the beauty within reason seems it cannot be defied
Everyone will compromise their morals for enough money
And farts will always, always be funny

The elephant
Look at the fucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the motherfucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the fucking elephant
The elephant
Look at the motherfucking elephant
Track Name: I'm Going To Be A Daddy
When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb
I thought these things were supposed to tell the facts
Howcome we got this outcome?
They're meant to be 99.9% accurate, but now I doubt them
I thought maybe one day I may want a baby
but not here, not now, what, are you crazy?
It's too soon, I'm too stupid to build a human nest
I'm a man child hiding in the shadow of my student debts
We always used protection, at least to my recollection
Well, I guess this is another new regret for my collection
and I won't kill a fetus even if it's millimetres
If I'm big enough to spill a seed
then I'm big enough to let it breathe
a fellow creature, full of genes of each of us
We're big enough to bring it up and let it develop features
Left speechless
But my ears hurt even when I hear tiny noises
How am I going to deal with each night of crying high-pitched voices?
When they're in pain, there's no way to make them say it softly
I'm good with kids as long as someone can take them off me
And what'll remain of a relationship that's already strained?
The love that's left is drained and plumbed into a baby's veins
And what if this isn't the right relationship to stay with?
At this stage in the day it may just be too late to change it

I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified
I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide
I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride
I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified

My life is rather good, it's not time for fatherhood
Looking after cats is hard enough, I can't give up my livelihood
I can't be a role model, my own soul's swaddled
My train of thought's like a pram rolling on old cobbles
How can I change the habit of a lifetime, I'm a lazy chappy
Change that? I've never had to change a baby's nappy
Don't want to watch the Tweenies on the TV
I like cult classic black and white cinema, fuck CBeebies
I don't have a choice any more
I don't have a voice any more
Can't make noise any more
I can't have a bottle of brandy and a LAN party with the boys any more
The way I want to steer the ship and the way it heads's all different
The game of life's flipped from single player to a co-op escort mission
How can I provide enough safety and security
when it feels like it's the whole world versus her and me?
Poland versus Germany, east versus west
Earth's eating itself, while I've invited you to be its guest
What can I bring to the table? I'm not mentally stable
but they say parenting's innate and we're all meant to be able
But what if it's ill, what it's disabled, what if it's not mine?
What if it dies, what if it grows up to be a horrible little gobshite
What if it hates me? What if it's not just one kid
What if it listens to this song and feels unwanted

I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified
I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide
I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride
I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified

I hope I can be helpful during the birth
providing backup for the mother of the youngest of the children of earth
When it's eighteen, I'll be forty-eight
When it's forty-eight, I'll be seventy-eight
and when it's seventy-eight, I should be dead in the grave
or in my place waiting at the heavenly gate
Every day, a memory fades except for some strange cases
like when I'm travelling back to the past and wondering whether to change places
When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb
but now I've settled down I've got one message:
Welcome

I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
I'm going to be be a daddy
Track Name: Fuck Everything
Fuck
Fuck gongs
Fuck the beginning of songs
and fuck you if you're not singing along
Fuck right
Fuck wrong
Fuck ping
Fuck pong
Fuck weak
Fuck strong
Fuck king
Fuck kong
Fuck the internet
Fuck Twitter
Fuck Reddit
Fuck ridiculously quick scrolling end credits
Fuck rickrolls
Fuck memes
Fuck The Game
Fuck sex
Fuck pleasure
Fuck pain
Fuck cancer
Fuck looking for an answer
And fuck this new breed of YouTube prankster
Fuck gangstas
Fuck the police
Fuck NWA
Fuck your beliefs
Fuck war
Fuck peace
Fuck north
Fuck east
Fuck south
Fuck west
Fuck more
Fuck less
Fuck bums
Fuck breasts
Fuck school
Fuck tests
Fuck work
Fuck play
Fuck rest
Fuck meditation
Fuck stress
Fuck the way you talk
the way you think
Fuck the way you dress
Fuck failure
Fuck success
Fuck life
Fuck death
Fuck no
Fuck yes
Fuck menstrual cramps
Fuck collecting stamps
Fuck banks
Fuck saying please
and fuck thanks
Fuck Ant
Fuck Dec
Fuck PJ and Duncan
Fuck democrats
Fuck GOP republicans
Fuck shyness
Fuck confidence
Fuck incompetence
and fuck accomplishments
Fuck Catholics
Fuck Protestants
Fuck the sea
Fuck the ice caps
Fuck continents
Fuck nuclear weapons
Fuck disarmament
Fuck the monarchy
Fuck parliament
Fuck the Tories
and fuck Labour
Fuck asking for help
Fuck doing someone else a favour
Fuck tastebuds
Fuck flavours
Fuck Remington's range of electric shavers
Fuck beards
Fuck hipsters
Fuck queers
Fuck the popping sounds coming from my ears
Fuck the elderly
Fuck the disabled
Fuck convoluted train timetables
Fuck puberty
Fuck mosquitos
Fuck filibusting politicians
Fuck vetos
Fuck Pepsi
Fuck Coke
Fuck being serious
and fuck jokes
Fuck puns
Fuck irons
Fuck irony
Fuck illiteracy
Fuck libraries
Fuck copyright law
Fuck piracy
Fuck the surveillance state
Fuck privacy
Fuck poverty
Fuck charities
Fuck the movement towards gender pay parity
Fuck activism
Fuck apathy
Fuck flawless logic
Fuck fallacies
Fuck allergies
Fuck anarchy
Fuck order
Fuck straight lines
Fuck curves
Fuck corners
Fuck immigration
Fuck borders
Fuck dads
Fuck mums
Fuck sons
Fuck daughters
Fuck having hair
Fuck Gail Porter
Fuck air
Fuck earth
Fuck water
Fuck the poor
Fuck the rich
Fuck a whore
Fuck a bitch
Fuck informers and snitches
Fuck giving them stitches
Fuck words
Fuck pictures
Fuck Churchill
Fuck Hitler
Fuck gingers
Fuck feet
Fuck metres
Fuck inches
Fuck decimals and integers
Fuck the Prime Minister
Fuck fires
and fuck fire extinguishers
Fuck the nematodes in vinegar
Fuck advertising campaigns that feature Gary Lineker
Fuck the proles
fuch the bourgeoisie
Fuck letters
Fuck a
Fuck b
Fuck c
Fuck one
Fuck two
Fuck three
Fuck poo
Fuck wee
Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck swearing
Fuck hypocrisy
Fuck family friendly
Fuck controversy
Fuck lies
Fuck honesty
Fuck doing things wrong
Fuck doing things properly
Fuck Douglby
Fuck broccoli
Fuck advanced breakthroughs in medical technology
Fuck animal research
Fuck animal rights
Fuck automatics
Fuck manual drive
Fuck obeying the rules
and fuck crime
Fuck physics
Fuck space
Fuck time
Fuck rhyme
Fuck Stephen Hawking
Fuck slow walking
Fuck uptalking
Fuck abortion clinics
Fuck foetuses
Fuck vaginas
Fuck penises
Fuck the MRAs
Fuck the feminists
Fuck the army
Fuck civilians
and fuck terrorists
Fuck optimists
Fuck pessimists
Fuck being sexually vanilla
Fuck fetishes
Fuck paedophiles
Fuck children
Fuck flying hijacked planes into buildings
Fuck being offensive
Fuck being offended
Fuck ****ing censorship
Fuck being so sensitive
Fuck my friends
Fuck acquaintances and enemies
Fuck my fans
Fuck my family
Fuck anybody
Fuck Muslims
Fuck Jews
Fuck Christians
Atheists, fuck you
Fuck nice people
Fuck jerks
Fuck school
Fuck work
Fuck Miley Cyrus trying to twerk
Fuck nerds
Fuck jocks
Fuck shoes
Fuck socks
Fuck the English
Fuck the Irish, Welsh and the Scots
Fuck stores
Fuck shops
Fuck pork
Fuck chops
Fuck floors
Fuck mops
Fuck doors
Fuck locks
Fuck hip hop
Fuck pop
Fuck metal
Fuck bees
Fuck wasps
Fuck nettles
Fuck smooth complexions
Fuck freckles
Fuck black pots
Fuck kettles
Fuck black people
Fuck white people
Fuck apartheid
and fuck being equal
Fuck sharks
Fuck bald eagles
Fuck fucking all three Star Wars prequels
Fuck free will
Fuck determinism
Fuck freedom of the press
Fuck restricting journalism
Fuck repetition
Fuck repetition
Fuck the word fuck's dictonary definition
Fuck crack
Fuck pot
Fuck cats
Fuck dogs
Fuck chavs
Fuck goths
Fuck crabs
Fuck moths
Fuck colds
Fuck flu
Fuck coughs
Fuck this music
Fuck you
and fuck off
Fucking hell
No offense.